Obituary

RIVAL CROCK-POT

AGE 2 BROOKLYN

Rival Crock-Pot, 2, of the Flatbush Section of Brooklyn, passed away suddenly Friday, August 5, after suffering blunt force trauma by 4 frozen chicken breasts. Crock-Pot was purchased by Antwoine Shepard and Rodney Snell in 2009 at Pathmark, Atlantic Terminal, Brooklyn, NY. He was a lifelong resident of Fat Girl Snacks Headquarters in Flatbush.

Crock-Pot worked hard during a short life, slow-cooking Gumbo, Black Beans, Neck Bones, Turkey Wings and Barbecued Ribs.  It was about to make Buffalo Chicken when tragically struck down.

In addition to Mr. Snell, 4 chicken breasts, ½ Oz of Hidden Valley Ranch Salad Dressing/Seasoning Mix, a bottle of Frank’s RedHot Wings Sauce and 2 tablespoons of Butter, Crock Pot is survived by Presto Options Multi-Cooker, with whom it shared a shelf, Cuisinart Hand/Stand Mixer of the same cupboard space and Fat Girl Snack lovers everywhere.

The remains will lie in state on the kitchen counter while I run over to Bobby’s Department Store for a replacement. Interment will immediately follow upon my return in the trash bin behind the building. In lieu of flowers, please send donations or more small appliances to Rodney Snell, 2608 Albemarle Rd, Apt D1, Brooklyn, NY 11226.  Your gift will be richly rewarded with a hot meal.